Jerry, you need to find god
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
