but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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