Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize