Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
