Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
