She announced her abortion via fbk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
