she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
