i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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