It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
