part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
