Only a mothe r could love this liver
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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