I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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