I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
