one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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