I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
