Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
