I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
