Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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