Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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