my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
