FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
