I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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