i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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