dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
