Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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