Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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