i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
