Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
