First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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