I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
