I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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