I heard we made out
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
