God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
