i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
