Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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