Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
