He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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