I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
