everyone is single if you try hard enough
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
