I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
