Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
