i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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