I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
