I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
