somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
