Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
