is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
