Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
