I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
