So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
