I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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