omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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