We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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