My friends, they love my intelligence
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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