three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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