apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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