he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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