i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
