Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
