You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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