I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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