somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
