Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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