Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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