I haven't been this sober since birth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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