I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
