So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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