Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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