If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
