so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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