Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
