I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my sisters under your porch take her home
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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