before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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