I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
